I've kept silent about this one, drivers, because I understand your point of view.  I was a vehicle-commuter for a year-and-a-half, spending about 3 hours in the car, every day.  This has given me a lot of sympathy for the singular type of stress of of sitting behind the wheel, and so I've let one thing slide.

But no longer.  Something you do (and I've probably done as well) is not only an inconvenience to cyclists, but downright unsafe.  Here's the scenario:  there are two lanes heading northbound on a surface street, but the right lane is technically ONLY designated for a right turn (and often is marked as such, with a right turn arrow).  However, during rush hour, to try and gain a minute or two, drivers who intend on going straight as well, line up in this right-turn-only lane, and they try to essentially "shoot-the-gap" in between the law-abiding drivers in the lane just to the left of them.... firing their vehicle right through the bike lane, and where a cyclist is headed northbound.

Now, I don't have a death wish, so I've been anticipating this move nearly every commute.  I basically figure out who's trying to shoot-the-gap, and try to get to the right of them, brake, do whatever I have to do to not end up in the middle of this maneuver.  I have to speak out about this though because of last night.  Last night, as soon as the light turned green, I stood on my pedals, trying to sprint out in front of the car in the right turn lane, sensing this guy was not there to turn right, but in contrast was going to jolt to the front of the car to his left.  Well, I guessed correctly, but because I existed, the guy couldn't get in front, and had to wait for me, and the car to his left.  Yeah you know what's coming, he laid on his horn, ticked at me for messing with his scheme.

This was so despicable - to honk at me because I didn't allow him to pull an illegal and frankly dangerous move... I just had to get this off my chest.  OK, I feel a little bit better.  Just a bit.  

Riding the CTA now appears to be a contact sport.  It's been my experience over the past couple of days that due to recent service cuts, one should be issued a helmet, pads, eye black, and a menacing grimace before squeezing boorishly onto an already sardine-esque rush-hour train or bus.

The uniforms, of course, would be color-coded.  White jerseys for the home commuters(Chicago-born-and-raised, seen-it-all-cynics). Green for West Coast Transplants... (we are marked as feeling awkward and apologetic for daring to exist so close to other Sentient Beings)... and Red Shirts for Rookies (Those who always drive, except on exceptionally-nasty snow days, and have a horrified look plastered on their mug, plus a CTA schedule sticking out of their overcoat pocket).

There is also a need, I've found, for the rules of this new commuting game to be enforced by issuing penalties for the following infractions:

Unnecessary Unbalance:

    The bars, the straps, they are there for a reason -- grab one, and make the effort to prevent slamming into your fellow riders at every screeching brake pull.  With cattle cars so full you can read your neighbor's resurrected copy of Catcher In The Rye, take heed of the lead character's name, and Hold 'en for goodness sake!  Penalty:  5 More Minutes Waiting on the Platform.

Stepping Out of Bounds (Emotionally):

    This occurs when you babble on about your job, your childcare situation, the way your teen is padding her college entrance exam with all of these crazy extra-curricular activities like track and glee club...the fact that 4-year-old Kayla is loving her gymnastics, and how Dorothy is nervous about going back to work after 5 years off to create said Kayla... 'I love you honey, I'll be home soon boo bear..." "I can't believe he said that..." and all fragments of cell phone conversation... Essentially, if you are speaking aloud in a crowded space, we can all hear every word, and if we forgot our iPod, we are powerless to stop your drivel from entering our minds.  Penalty: Ten rides on the Western #49 bus, stopping at every block now that the Express is a relic of the "good times."

These are just a couple of examples, culled from my own recent gridiron-like battles with the CTA this week... what would you add to the list?  And what do you do to celebrate finally making it to your stop?  Are we talking pulling out a Sharpie, and signing a fan's canvas laptop bag (Terrell Owens)?  Or are you more of a quiet, class act?  With no dancing, no shuffling, no strutting, and no arm-flapping (Jerry Rice).  Perhaps you mouth a silent 'Thank You' to yourself that you made it through one more day, and that means you're one day closer to spring.

Hop on Metra these days, and you'll hear about impending service cuts taking effect in February.  The announcement, repeated on every train, for every group of riders, is being read for the upteenth time by the train operator, or perhaps one of the other ticket-taker-dudes, and they sound about as excited by the prospect of reciting it as the customers are about hearing it (who could feel good about the prospect shelling out MORE for your daily commute anyhow?).

Catch a CTA train, meanwhile, and you'll be bombarded, stop-after-stop, by an equally repetitive announcement on the loudspeaker, that, "the doors are closing, do not attempt to board the train... the doors are closing..." The Tribune's transportation reporter says that officials explain the need for this new practice this way:

"(The announcments) are part of an effort in the wake of the stroller incident to try something new to catch people's attention and remind them to be safe," a CTA official said.

The 'stroller incident,' of course, is the story of the woman whose baby stroller was dragged in the doors of a train, and fortunately, did not result in any injuries.  Now, I get that it was a freakishly disturbing incident, and worthy of an extra press release or news conference regarding closing doors... but how long must riders endure this extra announcement, stop after stop, day after day?

To the Powers That Be:  We know we could die if we get squeezed out of the automated doors onto the third rail.  We know we're gonna have to pay more because of budget cuts, and union contracts, and retirement funds, etc.  But don't you get it?  Most of us are just trying to get home after a day of Working For The Man/Woman.  We just want to get on the train and tune the world OUT with our iPods, eBooks and iPads.  Frankly, we're feeling beaten down from the iPain-in-the-rear that is the cruel wind, a Wednesday, the weird office coffee, and hallway-upon-hallway of flourescent lighting and key-card-required glass doors.  Have mercy on our already-shrunken souls, and cut back the PA announcements.  The customers you have left would be forever grateful. 

I am totally flummoxed as to why winter bike commuters seem to not feel the need to verbally communicate with eachother out there on the frozen roads of Chicagoland.  If there's one thing I've noted over the past few weeks, it's that not one rider passing me has shouted, "Left," or "On Your Left," or "Hey There," or given me any indication that they are about to overtake me. 

This is particularly disturbing because the conditions are so dicey out there these days.  It's pitch black, and your senses are significantly dulled by the layers-upon-layers of gear you've piled on your person to survive the ride.  You are already straining to hear what's going on around you, with your ears covered by a balaclava/hat/hood combo.  Your vision is impaired by the inability to swivel your head as easily (see previous layering rig) - and many riders I see have taken to wearing ski googles, which allow for extremely limited periperal observation.

Yet night after night other riders speed by me - scaring me half out of my freaking clip-ins.  I seriously had no clue they were even creeping up on me.  What if I hadn't held my line?  What if I had swerved to avoid a gnarly pothole, or changed direction suddenly to give someone getting out of their car more room to open their door?

Also, over the past couple of weeks I've shouted to riders, a loud, albeit muffled, "On Your Left," when looking to pass them on a city street -- and they look at me through their watery eyes like I'm a freak!  Why?  Was it such a 'wacko' thing to do to let you know I was coming?  Jeez!  Anyone else out there having this experience this winter?

If there's one thing that drivers do that scares/annoys me on my bike commute it's NOT SIGNALING.  After more than a month of riding to work, I'm getting way more in tune with people's road safety habits, and I've finally realized why I hate this so much. 

A lot of bike commuting is about anticipation.  For example, if someone just finished parallel parking, I'm going to anticipate they are going to open their door into the bike lane, and I'll plan to swerve to avoid getting doored.  If a light is on the verge of turning yellow, I'll look ahead, and try to gage whether I'll be able to make the intersection safely, or if I'll need to stop at the light.  At a four-way stop -- I'll see if a pedestrian forces one vehicle to wait longer -- therefore allowing me to pass through the intersection safely, though out of turn.  You get the drift.

Yet so many drivers don't signal (and idiotic cyclists, too, but that's for another time).  This annoyed me when I DROVE to work as well -- because people would be turning in and out of the side streets with no warning -- forcing you to slam on your brakes.  Well, it's even worse on the bike.  I can't anticipate my next move when drivers are just making decisions with no warning.  There may not be a ton of vehicle traffic when they make that sudden right into the gas station -- but a cyclist may be in the vicinity -- and we need to know what you're thinking as well!

Dear Guv - am texting u from the IKE -- wait, scratch that...I mean, I'm pulled off the side of the road to send u this message - because I know that it's officially illegal now.  I'm writing to say how gr8 I think it is that we must pass law after law to discourage distracted driving, because apparently common sense is something that u and Springfield have deemed nobody comes by naturally.  Oops-- my scalding hot beverage just spilled into my lap, and I almost rear-ended someone.  Maybe there should be a law against drive-thru coffee joints -- it's just too easy to nab these foam-topped missiles of mass D-struction!  LOL ; )  The insurance companies have also done recent research 2 suggest that chicken wings should not be eaten while B-hind the wheel -- but I think I need the state legislators to officially put something on paper.  I mean, I'm 2 stupid to realize on my own that slurping minestrone while e-mailing by mortgage broker is perhaps an unsafe driving technique.  Thanks for legislating -- I will await your reply on the next step for we helpless humans before making my next mental move. Text U L8ter...

Here it is, another unofficial Insurance-company-sponsored study to tell us about the stupid things we do when we drive.  As if we needed another reminder.  This list (admittedly un-scientific) is regarding the top food/beverage distractors in our vehicles.  Check it out:

1. Coffee - Even in cups with travel lids, somehow the liquid finds its way out of the opening each time you hit a bump. 
2. Hot soup - Many people drink it like coffee and run the same risks.
3. Tacos - Any food that can disassemble itself will leave your car looking like a salad bar.
4. Chili Dogs - The potential for drips and slops down the front of clothing is significant.
5. Hamburgers - From the grease of the burger to ketchup and mustard, it could all end up on your hands, your clothes, and the steering wheel.
6. Barbecued food - Ditto. The sauce may be great, but if you have to lick your fingers, the sauce will end up on whatever you touch - and that wheel will be tough to grip.
7. Fried chicken - Another food that leaves you with greasy hands, which means constantly wiping them on something, even if it's your shirt.      
8. Jelly donuts - Have you eaten a jelly donut without some of the center oozing out? It's simply not possible.
9. Soft drinks - Not only are they subject to spills, but also the carbonated kind can fizz as you're drinking if you make sudden movements, and most of us remember cola fizz in the nose from childhood. It isn't any more pleasant now.
10. Chocolate - Like greasy foods, chocolate coats the fingers as it melts, leaving its mark anywhere you touch.  As you try to clean it off the

 steering wheel you're likely to end up swerving.

Here's the thing about lists like this.  We all eat and drink in our car, and try to do it with as little impact as possible on our safety.  Also, we all talk on our cell phones occasionally, even though we know it's dangerous.  (Except in school zones... where illegal...).  And even in our nanny-ish state, it's unlikely that the regulation of eating in cars, or the outlawing of drive-thrus will ever happen.  Not realistic.  Then one reality we do face every day is that each one us commuters is at the mercy of those around us and their level of distraction.  If you think it's normal to slurp soup which weaving in and out of traffic on the Edens I cannot stop you.  Just please God let me not be rear-ended by someone thinking "Wow... finger-licking good...."

I know I probably should be writing about the parking meter mess over at Chicago City Hall... but considering the excellent job the guys at the breaking news center are doing covering the Parking Meter Story.... I'll just use this blog as a forum to continue my rants against the incompetent drivers that sometimes plague our expressways and tollways.

Today's rant is dedicated to the fast-lane faker.  Yep, that driver in the beat-up Cutlas Supreme with the back bumper half hanging off (and various bumperstickers advocating veganism and the like...but that's neither here nor there) who is going a solid 53 miles-per-hour in the far left lane.

Car, after car, after truck, after SUV, is then forced to pass on the right, and disrupt the flow of traffic to get around this person.  And does this faker not notice?  It's like the Indy-freakin'-500 in the lane just to their right and yet they are completely oblivious!  God forbid they should make the precious effort to move over to the right where they can safely go their chosen speed... jeez!

Ahh.  That feels better.   Road Rants anyone?

OK, I'm starting a new trend here on the Weather & Traffic blog... every once in a while I am going to use this as a forum to complain about the absolutely ridiculously rude and exasperating behavior by other commuters out there.  I'm calling it a 'road rant', but it's just a way to complain about those little things others drivers do that make you want to curse like a sailor or committ a minor felony.

My road rant of the day occured last evening.  As I was driving home, I happened to be the first car in a loooong line stopped politely at a red light.  Now, when the light turned green, the tendons on my right ankle made the motion that allowed me to press on the excelerator when... BLEEEEEP!  The lady behind me honked at me!  Seriously?  I hesitated for no longer than an improv 'beat'!  Are you that desperate to get to the next stop light which is just a half-a-mile away?!?!?!?!?  At this moment I wanted so badly to flash a hand signal which does not appear in drivers' ed manuals... but I've heard so many stories about road rage ending badly that I managed to rerfrain myself.

So that's why I have this blog.  For my sanity, and yours.  Please, tell me your road rants!  It's cheaper than therapy...