Now that O'Hare Airport security officials in Terminal 1 are officially using radiological body scanning as part of their screening process, it got me to thinking... what might this technology see in the anatomy of a bike commuter?

Photo: AP

Firstly, the skull would give almost no reading at all.  This is because we bike commuters are all stubborn and hard-headed; nearly-idiotic in our devotion to this transportation method.  For most of us, the time spent on the bike is the only time when our thoughts make sense, and where we do our best brainstorming.  It takes more than a few inches of snow/sleet to force us to bust out our 10-ride Metra pass.

If the scan had the ability to retreive data from our circulatory and cardio vascular systems, it might be suitably impressed.  That's because cycling to work automatically wedges into your schedule 2 major cardio sessions per day.  It's common sense that this routine decreases ones chance of a stroke/heart attack, and it also keeps cholesterol, blood clots and high blood pressure at bay.  All I know is that during my most recent physical, after biking to work for 6 months, my blood pressure registered so low it was borderline corpse-like.

The scan may also register countless scars, bruises, and other unsightly dermal relics from the daily routine.  My left elbow will never be the same after one particularly humiliating topple in front of the yipsters at the Lincoln Park Whole Foods (dang you vintage streetcar tracks!@!!).  In addition to some very legit wipeouts, like the time in Wisconsin when I was mashing up a hill and somehow the derailer popped off my retro (read = rickety) Bianchi; I have bruises and bumps from losing my balance while leaving my condo's driveway.  Freak accidents, and God forbid, more serious ones, happen all the time on the bike.

Guess that's why you've got to have a hard head and a lot of heart.