Since August I have been to 9 weddings… I was a bridesmaid in 3 of them … this morning when I looked at my mail from yesterday hidden in between my American Express bill and my car note was a powder blue envelope with silver bells spread across.
Instantly I knew what it was … my heart began racing and my hands were shaking as I ripped open yet another invitation to a wedding.
I suddenly felt this intense pressure building up in me as I tried to figure out if I should attend the wedding. My life is sort of reminiscent to the movie “27 Dresses” except I haven’t been in 27 weddings… but the concept is the same … I am always the bridesmaid/wedding guest… never the bride.
But, I never really wanted to be the bride until I started attending all these weddings. A good male friend of mine and I had this conversation just this week. I always thought of myself as one of the chicks in the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Women”… a young Oprah in training – I’ve been always been hell bent on being my own woman.
I have goals and dreams that I want to achieve before I find myself saddled down to domesticity. I want to see the world and find out what it is I want from life before I start making promises and compromises to another
So the question really is do I want to be a bride or a wife? When I mentioned to one of my fellow producers that I would be blogging about weddings today she mentioned how she sometimes feels this overwhelming pressure to be married.
And I noticed that is a recurring sentiment with a lot of my female friends who are entering their late 20s. We have been fortunate enough to group up in an era were marriage doesn’t have to be our only option. We can vote, have an education, have a career … but yet our lives still feel incomplete without a diamond sparkler resting on our ring fingers.
My good male friend, lets call him Bob, Bob so kindly pointed out to me while we had dinner the other night that it would be extremely difficult for me to find a mate (which I already knew) because it would take a strong confident man to be with such a passionate and driven person as myself. It was kind of a backhanded complement, I know it wasn’t intentional – he was being sincere and speaking from the heart. But it made me think, why is a strong confident female a liability in a relationship and not an asset?
The last wedding I attended was one of my closest friends in college. She and her husband are perfect for each other … they are also in the early 20s. So as I sat at the reception I mentally catalogued all the aspects of this wedding (and the other 8 I attended before it) that I would like to some day incorporate into my own wedding.
Bob later asked me if attending all these weddings made me want to get married? I replied that it gave me great insight into planning one.
And so as a result I have it all planned out; the dress, the color scheme, flowers, cake, and table settings... Now, to some people that maybe a little crazy or neurotic but when you have been to so many weddings you can’t help but think of these things… and want them.
I now have almost as many close married friends as I do close single friends. We are 25 were suppose to be club hopping and jet setting… instead I’ve been attending bridal showers and dress fittings.
And please do not get me wrong I am extremely happy for all of my friends who have found their “happy ending” -- their perfect somebody. But I am tired of being asked when I am going to slow down and take the plunge and I am tired of feeling like maybe I should slow down and take the plunge. Like it’s a crime that I would rather pursue my dreams and goals right now then enter into a serious relationship.
It’s hard to be a woman in the broadcast business we have to make a lot of sacrifices.
My friends always think working in TV is a glamorous job … and it can be at time. I work a lot and I am always trying to find new ways to make my shows better. I am determined and driven and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
My male cousin once told me not to be too picky when it came to guys. WHAT.
If guys can be picky about a women – I am damn sure going to be picky about guys.
Especially when it comes to marriage, it’s not to be entered into lightly. The 7 brides and 2 grooms whose weddings I have attended have all dated there now spouses for long periods of times, so the natural progression for them was marriage.
Each of them understands the role they now play as husband and wife. They understand the depths of what they have just committed themselves to. And they know that those vows are not to be taken lightly and with each thrill in life a tradgey will soon follow and it takes a strong firm relationship to see it out in the end.
But for some of my other gal pals they get overly giddy over the idea of marriage and its then that I know they want to be a bride and not a wife.

These are just the thoughts of a 20-somethinger ... please feel free to leave a comment

Afua
(Uh-fee-yah)
News Producer