The hour that will "change the lives" of 13 people. Gag me. Let's live blog tonight's American Idol Results Show!
All day people have been buzzing about these "new rules" the judges are going to announce tonight. We know they're kicking off two contestants, but they're promising something even bigger. Let's break it down - here we go!
8:00 - Ryan brings up the twist. "Here's the deal," he says before rolling video of past contestants who were booted from the competition "too early." The new rule is:
8:03 - The Judges Save. The judges can save one contestant from elimination, just once. They can only use the save once. Did I mention that the rule can only be implemented one time?
Ryan went into damage control asking Simon a softball like "This decision isn't reversing America's vote, right?" Forget his answer, how can it not reverse America's vote? The person with the lowest number of votes leaves the show. America - you want somebody to stay? Vote more. The judges clearly want to be a bigger factor in the last act of the season. Period.
8:07 - The contestants sing "I Want You Back." Another corny choreographed number my wife won't allow me to fast forward through. Before I can go any further, Danny Gokey just blasted his crotch right into my living room. Time for a.....
8:08 - COMMERCIAL BREAK. Try a Vitamin Water! It worked for Carrie Underwood! Did she just make love to a horse?
8:11 - Ryan introduces tonight's filler, a recap of last night's show. I'd rather see a recap of Paula getting that eyeshadow lathered on her lids. WTH?
8:14 - "Sarver" talks about how cool it was to have his likeness exploited to sell cars, i.e. the Ford video. Now I know where my bailout money is going.
8:17 - The results begin - MICHAEL SARVER and ALLISON IRAHETA are safe! JASMINE MURRAY is brought down to the center of the stage, she might be tossed. MATT GIRAUD is safe! KRIS ALLEN is safe (there goes my pick). MEGAN JOY CORKREY is safe!
8:20 - JASMINE MURRAY is OUT! Now she has to sing for her life (just as nasally as the first time), because the judges can save her. But there's no way she's landing their only save. Say it with me America...
SHE GONE!
8:23 - The first going away video is played, featuring Carrie Underwood's "Home Sweet Home." Wow, there was no personality in that video whatsoever, although Ryan was "always impressed with her courage and poise." Blah, blah, blah.
8:25 - COMMERCIAL BREAK. There's a mattress sale at Carson's! Yeeeeesssssss!!!!!
8:29 - Ryan don't jump!
8:30 - Kanye West performs. He shaved off his rockin' 80's mullett! What gives? The judges have been replaced by a gallery of screaming girls. I was waiting for the moment when Kanye asks Simon, "How could you be so heartless?" On another note, I hope Kanye is done with the voice modulator after this record. It's played out.
8:33 - Ryan never asks Kanye any questions. Instead, he throws it right to a....
8:34 - COMMERCIAL BREAK! The cast of High School Musical is telling me where to get a $5 footlong. How wrong is that?
8:38 - The results continue. SCOTT MCINTYRE is safe! ALEXIS GRACE is safe! DANNY GOKEY is safe! ANOOOOOOOP DESAI is brought to center stage! ADAM LAMBERT is safe and fabulous, thank you! Paula is falling out of her shirt as JORGE NUNEZ and LIL' ROUNDS are sized up against each other. JORGE is brought to center stage.
8:42 - It's ANOOP vs. JORGE. The loser will be announced........after a......
8:43 - COMMERCIAL BREAK! Peter Travers of Rolling Stone calls Role Models "killer funny." I liked the movie, but "killer funny?" Who says that?
8:46 - Ryan announces that every week they will bring back a former Idol (considering most of them are out of work this shouldn't be a problem). This week brings Kelly Clarkson. Ryan admits to playing her "My Life Would Suck Without You" three times on his radio show today, then he attempts humor by singing it. Clarkson sounded pretty good, but if it sounded familiar, it's because she ripped off her own "Since You've Been Gone." I'm bored.
8:51 - COMMERCIAL BREAK! The pulp-free taste kids love!
8:56 - ANOOP is safe! JORGE NUNEZ has to sing for his life (toldya)! I bet he feels awfully bad having to sing that horrible "Never Can Say Goodbye" again. Let's see if the judges will save him!
8:58 - The judges verdict is in. Simon didn't waste any time delivering his unsympathetic answer........"No." Say it with me folks, JORGE NUNEZ......
HE GONE!
9:00 - That's a wrap. At least I got one right, I thought Jasmine Murray might have been able to sneak through. Sounds like Kris Allen might have a bigger following than I thought. Go figure. I'll see you all right here next week!
Comments (4)
Tonya:
Glad you hate the corny sing alongs as much as the average dude.
As for the Hawk Harrelson reference. Yes, I am a Cubs fan. That doesn't mean I can't appreciate some of the finer things on the dark side. Maybe I'll have to chage it to...
"Jorge Nunez......is OUTTA HERE!" I can do a pretty good Len Kasper impression as well. That'll serve me well once I start doing the videos again.
Marcus
Posted by Marcus Leshock | March 12, 2009 11:00 AM
Posted on March 12, 2009 11:00
About that judge's save - In the video montage that was supposed to be the "reason" behind the rule change, they showed Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson. If memory serves me correct, neither of them would have been saved under this new rule. Ryan stated that they will not use the save once it has reached the final 5 contestants. I know for a fact that Daughtry was in the final 4 of his year and I believe Jennifer was eliminated also in the fourth position (but I don't remember exactly for her). So the rule would have been gone before they were.
I think this is just a direct response to the power of "Vote For The Worst." Also, Marcus, you need to come up with a catchier moniker for the "judges' save," something official (yet sarcastic) sounding, like "The Cowell Perogative"
Then you can have great lines "Let's see if the judges will initiate the Cowell Perogative" or "The only thing that will save her now is the Sanjaya Initiative" (named in honor of who they were REALLY thinking about when instituting this rule.)
Posted by Joshua R | March 12, 2009 10:45 AM
Posted on March 12, 2009 10:45
Is that a He Gone and a She Gone I see?? I don't think Cubs' announcers use that lingo. And BTW - I make my husband fast forward through the corny sing alongs and anyone who can't sing. It is the best part of watching Idol on delay!
Posted by Tonya Troka | March 11, 2009 9:42 PM
Posted on March 11, 2009 21:42
My wife won't let me fast foward either. Are they related?
Posted by Brian Stromberg | March 11, 2009 8:36 PM
Posted on March 11, 2009 20:36