On Friday, February 13th, the United States House of Representatives and Senate passed the most massive piece of legislation in my lifetime - and were in a hurry! Some had vacations to get to, others were just glad they didn't have to read it. But before you get all excited about the pothole patching coming your way, let me warn you - this Bailout is cursed! I have 13 reasons why in the video above, but if you'd rather do some reading...keep at it after the jump!
1. It's Friday the 13th - probably not the best day to hurry and ramrod a massive load of debt down a country's throat.
2. The average American will save $13 a week on their taxes after the Bailout is passed. You read that right, $13! You were probably too distracted by all of the amazing things you're going to do with that $13 to realize the significance.
3. The Mayan Calendar runs out in 2012. I'm sure you've seen the history specials by now, the Mayans are predicting the world will come to an end just in time for the next Presidential election! Any coincidence this follows the biggest government program since the New Deal? I doubt it!
4. The Bailout will benefit this guy:
Seriously? That guy?
5. The latest Friday the 13th movie is released the same day the Bill is up for vote. Which is scarier - a larger-than-life federal government or Jason Voorhees? At least we know Jason runs faster and more efficiently!
6. Democrat Emanuel Cleaver of Missouri says "we all cast our votes with one hand and crossed our fingers with the other.” When was the last time a politician voted on something with their fingers crossed? Don't answer that, Rod.
7. Two satellites crashed into each other while orbitting the earth.
Coincidence or cosmic foreshadowing? You make the call!
8. This woman may get a better tax break than you...
9. 150 missing pages of the Bailout Bill were found in Joaquin Phoenix's beard. OK I made that one up, but if there were ever a man who represented a sign of the apocalypse, he'd probably pose for a picture like this one:
10. Nick Jonas and Selena Gomez have broken up. Both singers said they have "no comment" about their new single status. But we all know arguments over the Bailout must have torn them apart, right?
11. President Obama's 2nd Commerce Secretary Nominee bails out. Oh yeah, and do you know why Judd Gregg decided to step down from consideration? Turns out he had some differences with the President - over the BAILOUT! Check and mate.
12. A young boy just became a first-time father - at AGE 13! Yeah, so it happened in the UK. You try coming up with 13 reasons something is cursed!
13. FROM LIVESCIENCE.COM: The seals on the back of a dollar bill include 13 steps on the pyramid, 13 stars above the eagle's head, 13 war arrows in the eagle's claw and 13 leaves on the olive branch. If there was ever sign that we weren't supposed to do crazy things with money on the 13th, this is the one!
I'm Marcus Leshock