Tonight's "American Idol" pitted New York against Puerto Rico. It's your regular "West Side Story," but with a crazy rocker in retro hipster sunglasses. Only in Ah-meer-ee-kah!
Now I have to mention how stupid I am. I completely forgot "American Idol" was on tonight, something more than one of you readers pointed out after my "see you next week" line on Wednesday. You have my deepest apology....but keep reading for my BEST, WORST, OBAMA, and FINAL VERDICT!
THE BEST
Simon's crazy chest hair. What's up Chewbacca? Is that a sasquatch under that blouse or are you just happy to see me? Oh!
Jorge "Hola" Nunez. This guy sang "My Way" in Spanish, and was absolutely fantastic. The thing I love about a great Spanish singer - it doesn't matter if you can understand the words or not. They make language sound so beautiful. He's one of my favorite performers of the season.
Melinda "You Look Very Fresh" Camille. She likes to dance naked in her bedroom because it brings "enlightenment." Luckily for her neighbors she's pretty cute...and ready for Live TV alright! She sang "Feel Good" and proved to be one of the most pleasant-sounding contestants of the year.
When the judges almost died. A 10 foot filter fell off the window behind the brains of the program, to which they all replied with expletives. Don't worry, Kara escaped unharmed. #%@*!
Joel "Don't Call Me Jose" Contreras. Finally, "Idol" showcases a memorably bad contestant! They treated us to Puerto Rico's crazy rocker, who spends his days following street vendors, screaming songs like "YOU'RE SELLING ICE CREAM!" It's great to know that even U.S. territories are rife with hipsters! He had me for life after he broke out a lion puppet and started singing "Circle of Life."
THE WORST
Adeola "Former Bank Teller" Adegoke. I love looking at the contestants' occupations. What is a "former bank teller" exactly? Does that mean she is unemployed? Or maybe she has just moved on from being a bank teller? Actually, she just quit her job. One thing she should move on from - singing. The judges should have cut her off when she said, "I'm singing 'And I Am Telling You.'" Instead, they said no, and Simon helped her get her job back.
Jessika "With A K" Baier. She just has to be different. Jessika is the ultimate case of family and friends saying how good you are, but when he get in front of America, you suddenly realize you stink. She went through the seven faces of "singing death" after she was denied. And still - she insisted they were wrong.
THE FINAL VERDICT
Simon was on fire tonight, proving my theory that the show lives and dies with him. I enjoyed this episode most out of the 63 auditions episodes. Going into Hollywood, we have some truly promising talent, and the show feels like it might be getting its swagger back.
Now, for real this time........SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!
