My big, bloody beef with "Twilight?" It feels like a 20 minute story stretched out to more than 2 hours. I kept waiting for these characters to move past exposition and get to something, well, meaty.

Kristen Stewart plays Bella, a sweet indie-bopper teenager. When her loving mother decides to hit the road with her new boyfriend (he's a minor league baseball player), Bella chooses to move in with her father. He's also loving - no parental struggles in this teen drama.

We see Bella's first visit to her new high school. A new school has to be tough, especially as a pasty, isolated teen. But no, Bella is immediately surrounded by boys of all social classes. They virtually line up to show her a good time and ask her to prom. There are no boy troubles in this teen drama.

In fact, the boys are so plentiful for Bella, that her fellow female students start to get jealous. But Bella is irresistibly sweet, so even THEY stay friendly. No "Mean Girls-like" fighting in this teen drama.

Eventually Bella befriends the school's heartthrob loner, the pale-faced Edward Cullen. Immediately there is an attraction, but Edward remains very distant. After a quick Google search and a chat with her friends on the American Indian reservation, she comes to the conclusion that he is a vampire. When confronted Edward admits to his ailment, then takes her for a ride in the tree tops. No backlash from accusing someone of vampirism in this teen drama.

So we have a high school film full of pretty people, but without any conflict. Edward explains that he has to resist the urge to suck Bella's blood, which provides some tension. But I was never really worried, and neither was she, so things prodded along. The big confrontation comes from a traveling pack of "tracker vampires," one of which takes a liking for Bella. The final act of the film becomes a game of Vampire and Prey, where James the Tracker hunts Bella across the country. Edward has the task of making sure she's safe.

Now to the part of this review every teen girl has been waiting for - Rob Pattinson as Edward Cullen. Pattinson certainly stole the movie for the audience in my theater. As soon as he walked on frame, one could hear the whimpering of girls throughout the room. But as the film slowly trudged along, the energy began to dissipate. I found Edward to be a bore. For a man who's been living for a century, he doesn't have much to say.

Pattinson does a fine job, I guess. But there isn't much for him to do. For two hours, he leaks out the basic details with cold conviction, but I was fatigued. However, when Pattinson puts on those old-school sunglasses, I thought I was looking at James Dean. But when he rolled into the school prom, I had flashes of Brendan Fraser in "Encino Man." What a strange movie.

I give "Twilight" a LeShock Value of......

$6/10

The movie kept me interested for two hours, and I am looking forward to see where it goes. Now that we have the details, let's hope the sequel decides to tell a story.