First, a few thoughts:

LUKE “SAVE MORE MONEY AT” MENARD. His older sister always wanted a younger sister. So she dressed him like a girl. Even his embarrassing moments are forgettable. Then, his nasally “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” reminded me why I was really nervous about this theme tonight. Simon put it best – “Weak, a bit girly.”

WHEN THE JUDGE ASKS “IF YOU HAD FUN, DOG,” YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN TROUBLE. As in “Hey, did you have fun, because I sure as heck didn’t.”

DAVID “ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE” ARCHULETA. So now the guy shows that he has a good voice, he plays the piano, and he makes his song choices based on the plight of third world nations. Is he running for President or American Idol? This guy could sit on a toilet and read the newspaper for two minutes. America would still vote for him.

AND HERE COME THE PLUGS. Did you catch the shot of Denise Richards right before Ryan came back from a break? Just a quick glimpse of the all-out assault that will begin next week!

DANNY NORIEGA IS NOT THE NEW SANJAYA. He’s a spectacle. He’s ridiculous. Simon called him “absolutely useless.” Call me a conspiracy nut, but it feels like someone’s trying to squash this VOTE FOR THE WORST thing before it goes too far.

DAVID HERNANDEZ AND HIS PEA-SIZED BOOGER. You’re telling me that a male stripper’s most embarrassing moment involves a booger? Riiiiight. His performance of “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now” was good, if mildly inappropriate.

FINALLY! SOMEONE GETS MICHAEL JOHNS A MIKESTAND! He knocked out Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me.” Randy called him Michael Hutchens. I say he’s got some Judd Nelson in him. "Eat.....My.....Shorts."

DAVID “SLIGHTLY EMO “COOK. Best line of the night from the judges, and a really great arrangement of the Lionel Richie cut “Hello.” You can tell David’s been working on this for quite a while. I like this guy more and more.

JASON CASTRO GOES TO WHITE CASTLE. The judges tell the dreadlock to ditch his guitar and sing solo this week. He does and knocks out Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah.” Randy and Paula like it. Simon says it’s “brilliant.” Pass the Funyons, man!

CHI-“YOU CAN BOO ALL YOU WANT”-KEZIE. Simon asked if Whitney Houston once sang his song. After a 10 minute back story, he said “Yes.” Simon replied, “In that case, it didn’t work.” Hilarious…but I kinda see what Simon’s getting at. This guy Chikezie has a great voice, but there’s something strange about him.

THE WINNERS:

DAVID “JEDI MIND TRICK” ARCHULETA. Again, the guy is just magic. Not the best performance of the night, but he’s got enough charisma to take him right to the finals.

DAVID “SLIGHLY EMO” COOK. We’ll find out how big his fan base is this Thursday. The song was great, but can he stand out in the crowd? We’ll see.

THE LOSERS:

DANNY “IT’S A LEAVE-IN CONDITIONER” NORIEGA. As much as I support my Vote For The Worst brethren, he’s probably on the chopping block. He’s going to need every vote he can get.

LUKE “SAVE MORE MONEY AT” MENARD. Wait, is this guy really part of the competition? Or is he just a goofy warm up act? I’ll check on that and get back with you.

Ladies tomorrow! See you then.